I've brought you some water to start off with. But, if you would like, I can get you something else. Perhaps a chilled bottle of Dasani? A sparkling Perrier? Or for an extra $3.50, I can pour you the most refreshing splash from a local spring where the freshest organic vegetation grows in the area.
Would you like to hear today's specials? We have several I'd like to recommend!
First, we have two rich sourdough slices baked fresh and placed on a grill until flawlessly toasted. The chef then proudly places two slices of gouda and asiago between them. If he is feeling especially irreverent, he may throw in a bit of camembert. The dish is then grilled slightly longer until all fillings are perfectly melted. The finished dish is then cut into triangles, not rectangles, which is how the chef's mother always did it.
Second, we have a saucy meat pie made with the freshest low-fat minced beef prepared first thing yesterday morning. Possibly the day before, but no more than five days ago. The chef has a firm belief in waste not want not, so ordering the meat pie is sure to keep our restaurant waste low! It's baked in a crispy dough shell, covered in a creamy sauce made of whatever vegetables were left behind from the salad bar before last night's closing.
Next, we have an amazing trifecta corn plate. According to our produce provider, this was a really good season for corn and there was a bountiful harvest! Our chef loves a great deal, so he bought as much of the corn as he could haul back! On your trifecta corn plate, you'll enjoy roasted corn on the cob served in a pool of creamed corn and a side of cornbread. Order this dish and get corn pudding for dessert for half the $6.50 price.
Finally, we have a dish the chef is calling "Even the kitchen sink." It's a dish unlike any other and sure to awaken every last taste bud you have with its unique flavor. In fact, the flavor is so unique because every "Even the kitchen sink" made is uniquely made. Our innovative chef closes his eyes and chooses whatever he can reach, sometimes knocking over pots and pans in the process. Whatever his fists hold goes in. And he has large fists, so a lot goes in!
For tonight only, all customers will receive complimentary storytelling of the affair the man sitting in the back corner. Not the man in the yellow shirt with the kids with him. No, he's happily married as far as I know. The man in the grey sitting with the very angry looking woman in the striped dress and red necklace. She caught him cheating with her former roommate. Apparently, the roommate left a note in the grey-shirt man's pocket and striped-dress lady found it while doing his laundry. I'm sure you'll hear more about it soon. From the sounds of it, you're in for a real show tonight!
I'll give you a few minutes to look over the menu. I'll be back to take your order shortly.
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